


Damn Numpties...

by KittyKat757



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fiona is done with their bullshit, Hurt/Comfort, I haven't planned this well, Kidnapping, Light Angst, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Numpties (Simon Snow), Oh also, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Simon is oblivious but we love him anyway, So does Baz, because I said so, but oh well, probably
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-13
Updated: 2018-09-13
Packaged: 2019-07-11 17:49:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15977372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KittyKat757/pseuds/KittyKat757
Summary: What if Simon actually had helped the Pitches find Baz?





	Damn Numpties...

**Author's Note:**

> First Carry On fic, because I've been reading the book again and I still love it tbh

* * *

We find him after three weeks.

When his aunt flings open the lid to the coffin in the corner I hear Baz curse, his voice sounding like he either hasn't used it or has used it too much the whole time he's been here.

Fiona helps him step out of the coffin, and it's now that I finally get a look at him.

He's even paler than usual somehow, dressed in dirty tennis whites and standing on teetering legs, looking like he wants to throw up.

I don't think he's noticed I'm here yet.

"Fiona," he croaks, not putting up a fight when she steadies him with a hand on his arm, "I need to-"

He sniffs at the air, wrinkling his nose at something he must smell, then looks up and nearly falls backwards when he sees me standing here.

"Snow," he sneers, standing up straighter than before as his face changes to that odd, sort of bored expression of his that I can never actually read, "what are you doing here? Did  _he_ send you? To make sure I wasn't off planning your demise somewhere?"

He's talking about the Mage, his voice coming out as almost a hiss when he mentions him.

The Mage didn't send me, actually, I had heard from one of Baz's slimy friends that he had gone missing when I'd asked him (more demanded) why Baz wasn't at school. After that I'd somehow managed to get into contact with his insane aunt and she had told me I could help look for him as long as I didn't tell The Mage what I was doing.

Penny had called me insane, said it was probably some sort of trap and that I shouldn't get involved with the Pitches if I wanted to stay alive. But I was going crazy wondering where Baz was and what was going on. I just couldn't let it go.

I shake my head and open my mouth to speak, but before I can get any words out Fiona starts rapidly casting healing spells on Baz and he loses interest in my aborted speech.

Tosser.

He looks thin, like he hasn't eaten anything the entire time he's been here, and like he could pass out at any second if he doesn't soon.

It's Baz like I've never seen him before, and like I don't think I've ever wanted to see him. Sickly and weak instead of the usual relaxed yet fierce way he carries himself.

I can't really help but blame myself that we didn't find him sooner, but there was some sort of weird spell on the area that made it hard to pinpoint where exactly Baz was. The important thing is, though, that we've found him now and once he's recovered he'll hopefully be as good as new. He'll probably go back to trying to kill me just as soon as he can hold his wand again, but at least he's not dead and leaving me wondering what happened to him and if he's going to jump out and hex me at any second.

Fiona stops her barrage of healing spells and starts helping Baz limp out of the dark space we're in, saying she'll drive me back to Watford just as soon as she's gotten Baz back to Pitch Manor.

Baz doesn't say anything.


End file.
